Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
