Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
