OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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