capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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