Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
