Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
