I have demons in me.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
