We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize