That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
not ubering you a puppy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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