I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
