mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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