the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
