This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
