this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
