god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
