I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
