Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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