How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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