he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the liver wants what the liver wants
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
