I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
