you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
