1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
