I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
