If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
