I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
