Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
