No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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