I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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