I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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