or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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