You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
