I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why do cheetos always look like penises
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
