The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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