Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
