If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
