I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
