i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
