she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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