HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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