he puts the penis in happiness.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus