when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand