Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake