my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to