Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?

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  (973): would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"? http://tfl.nu/lhgh
  Replies (20) Good night (3912) Bad night (667)
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  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8708) Bad night (637)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.

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  (517): Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date. http://tfl.nu/f1nk
  Replies (8) Good night (851) Bad night (5207)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...

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  (443): told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet... http://tfl.nu/9yno
  Replies (6) Good night (2876) Bad night (1151)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend

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  (406): You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend http://tfl.nu/ek7z
  Replies (2) Good night (2557) Bad night (924)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

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  (717): It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/8d6y
  Replies (8) Good night (3487) Bad night (847)
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  (415): View more from California

  Feeling better?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.

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  (415): Feeling better? (720): I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day. http://tfl.nu/80q2
  Replies (4) Good night (1500) Bad night (625)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER

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  (434): I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER http://tfl.nu/0nk8
  Replies (13) Good night (1668) Bad night (641)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.

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  (772): She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me. http://tfl.nu/4pez
  Replies (6) Good night (520) Bad night (1554)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.

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  (907): Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy. http://tfl.nu/fd5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1331) Bad night (443)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger

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  (314): I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger http://tfl.nu/k75x
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (629)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Hydrate.

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  (703): I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding.... (202): Hydrate. http://tfl.nu/62ve
  Replies (5) Good night (1182) Bad night (391)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie

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  (440): Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie http://tfl.nu/g1ng
  Replies (3) Good night (950) Bad night (635)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.

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  (401): i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher. http://tfl.nu/v6bw
  Replies (2) Good night (820) Bad night (312)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?

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  (870): Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet? http://tfl.nu/5euz
  Replies (1) Good night (325) Bad night (632)

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