Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though