if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
