I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
