My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
