no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
