I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
