I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
