I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
