YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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