its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
