and next time when you feel me up, do it right
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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