I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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