Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
