everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
