So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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