is your mom at the bar?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize