you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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