at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
why is half of my head shaved?
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