the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
