i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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