Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
