This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
