And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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