Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
