You made me cry and you don't even care
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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