i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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