when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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