When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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