my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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