I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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