i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
