So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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