Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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