Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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