Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
