Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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