I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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